Wonderfull Weekend.

I must have gotten around 45 hours at work last week. That puts it at around $526 before the government gets there share. After work on Friday we went to the mermaid, bar right next to work. By we i mean a few of my coworkers a a boos or 3. I ended up taking off my shirt and showing off my "we are everywhere" tank that also have a picture of a rainbow on it. Like they don't think I'm gay already. But i had a lot of fun, so its all good.

On Sunday Justin, Timmy (my bro), and Sara (Tim's Girl) we all went to the Mall of America. Here's the catch thou. I went Dressed as a girl, or at least half way. I was waring Guys camo pants, Pink tank with a brown tank over it, and of course my new bra with my boobs. We had so much fun. You wouldn't believe how many looks i got. I was expecting to get looks but WOW. Not many people gave me a condescending look... it was mostly a "what the" or "oook..." kind of look. It was really cute when little kids noticed and asked there parents about it. There was this one little girl who just yelled "mommy mommy that man has boobs" We all just broke out laughing. it was so funny.

We were walking on the main level and there was these two guys walking toward us. One of them looks at me but just keeps walking. I hear someone behind me say "what the?". I turn around and both of those guys had stoped dead in there tracks staring right at me. So i give them a wink and a wave and keep on walking.

Hot Topic and Spencer's Gifts were some the better stores to visit. I was talking to two guys who worked at the Topic for a little bit. One of them, Jeff was his name, after a minute of talking to him he started flirting with me and gave me his phone number. I'm not gay, but i am Bi. So i might give him a call, but I'm a little scared to meet up with someone i don't know. Any Advise anyone?


Sara had brought her camera but we didn't get any pictures... perhaps next time. And there will defently be a next time.

Busy work week.

Well its been a busy week at work this week.... not over yet thou. I still have roughly 12 hours of work left. Do that will put it at around 5 hours Over Time for the week.

Well I told Lupe (friend and coworker) about who i really am. She accepted me so that's real nice. She wants to go shopping with me sometime. I don't think I'm ready for that thou.

This weekend might prove to be fun. My bro, his girl friend and myself are going to head up to MOA on Sunday. Should be really fun

thats all for now... i'm running late

Comming out update

Well its been an interesting couple of days for me. I have decided that it was time that I come out to my friends about my transgender or rather my female self. I had already talked to Amber at work about it. Shes a really nice girl and offered some advise about how to go about it. I decided that Friday after work would be the best time to talk to Matt about it. After work I waited in the parking lot. When he came out I told him everything. It went a lot better then i thought it would. He's still my best friend. After talking with him went got some food, sat in front of a bone fire for awhile and then went driving till like 4 in the morning. It was a lot of fun. Now i just got to go about telling my other friends... We'll see how that goes.

Saturday and Sunday i had a lot of fun. Kellee, one of my Sam's friends spent the whole weekend here. We picked her up on Saturday and went to the Mall. She's a nice person and vary accepting of me. At Hot Topic I got a new skirt and they made me try on these really tight red zebra pants... they were really freaking ugly. After the Mall we proceeded to get some food at Denny's with Andy, one of my friends.

Sunday was a lot of fun. I got to know Kellee a little. Sam, Kellee, and myself are going to try to get into a 3BR apartment sometime soon. We all talked outside... i got a little burnt. Later in the evening we all sat on the couch and watched some TV. Kellee and I ended up cuddling a lot that night. Looking back on it i think it pissed Sam off a little bit. Its not like i mean to "steal" her friend away or anything... and I'm not looking at dating Kellee. I'm just going thou really hard times right now, and having someone to hold and someone holding me just makes everything feel better for a short time. I know Kellee is ether gay or Bi, I'm not sure which. But i think she really likes it when I'm being my more "Female" self. I don't know.

Work today was good for the most part. Its end of quarter which means overtime... and i really could use the extra cash. I'm the first person to get trained into "shipments" so thats kind of cool.

Well thats all for now. Later people.

Holy Crap-

I spoke too soon. Yesterday was one bitch of a day. The FedEx system went down, and i hate dealing with those guys from UPS. But oh well, i got thou it didn't I.

I went shoping yesterday morning, and since I was shopping for a new skirt i thought "hey, might as well ware a bra and my boobs". Not many people noticed. One lady from the thrift store noticed something was up, but i don't think she figured it out. I wasn't able to find a skirt i like thou... so that sucks. Then I went to best buy to drop off my computer. Now I know that the Geek squad guy noticed. I didn't even realize it a first. I was carrying my computer bag with the strap on my left shoulder and the bag on my right.... So the strap was going right between my boobs. He didn't know what to think, it was cute. But anyways I had fun doing it and no one said anything about it.
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another day

Well, Today isn't looking bad so far. So some reason i can't seem to get this shaving my legs down. Below the knee is fine. But once i get into my upper legs, it seems like my skin is really loose and it won't shave hardly at all. Anyone have any ideas? Prehaps i should let it grew and then wax it.

I'm going to head to the thrift store now. I want to see if i can find a good skirt.

Later-

Where to begin? Life have been crazy these past few weeks. With work, my self discoveries, and starting to date again. So lets cover it in that order.

Work:

Work as been O.K. latley. I've been flaking a little bit but i'm starting to come out of it.

Self Discoveries:

gender dysphoria- i know i talked a little about this last time. I still have a lot to learn on the subject and still need a whole lot of time to think about where i fit into it all. But in other news i've decided that its about time that i start telling all my friends. Should i do it all at once? One at a time? Should i tell Christy yet? or is it too soon? I'll tell Matt first and figure it out from there. I just hope i don't loose anyone as a friend.

Dating:
Christy is just amazing i and stop thinking about her. She seems vary open minded so i dont think i have to worry about her looking down at me for who i really am. But i'm going to keep that to myself for a little bit still.

Something new

Well it was another dead end weekend. But i've been doing more research and i've come across something that i feel describes who i am a lot better then the term "transgendered". Its called "gender dysphoria". In my case it basically mean I have a male body, but my mind is not sure which gender it should be. Theirs a lot more to it then that, but i'm still doing my reading and learning on the subject.

Here a picture i took while being board... and no those are not real boobs.

thats all for now, i'll add more when i get home tonight.

steam blowoff

Well i just need to blow off a little steam, not much just a tad. Christy is without a doubt the most wonderful person i've ever meet. And i know this even thou we've only meet the one time. But after that date she hasn't seemed like shes interested in me at all. She dosen't seem to want to talk on the phone. She dosent seem to want to chat online. She dodges questions i ask... like if she dosen't want to say she should just shy so and not just blow me off. I dont know. I'm probley just reading too much into it like i've been known to do.

But if i'm not i think i know why. I was so fucking stupid on that date. I should have just gone home after dinner. But no i had to invite her back to my place... that in itself isnt what i did wrong. But when we went to bed one thing led to another and that ended with me sucking on her nipples. it was so fucking stupid on my part. She must hate me for it. I knew i would find someway to screw this up.

does anyone out there have any advise?

general update

Well its been almost a month since I've done anything for this. not that anyone reads it anyways. So i have been email is this girl how I'd meet online. At first it seemed to good to be true. We had lots in common, everything from out general interests to hobbies even out personalty's seem to match quite well.

On saterday we decided to meet. like most of my first dates we meet at a coffee shop, only this time it was in Minneapolis and I've never driven down there before. After the coffee we walked around the park, talking and poking each other with sticks and pine cones. At that point i think thats where most of my dates would have ended. But we decided to head up to the walker sculpture garden. It was almost magical. after a while we found a place in the shade to sit and rest. We must have talked for some time before moving on. At that point both of us were in dire need of food. So we went to her place, it was a vary small studio apartment but it wasn't bad... I've seen a lot worse. It must have been about the size on my bedroom, a little bit bigger if you count the bathroom and kitchen. We ordered pizza and watched some TV. After a sometime of doing nothing we decided that we should head up to my place, about 40 minutes north. We sat down and watched a movie and then called it a night. For some reason we shared me bed. After lots of flirting and cuddling we both started to fall asleep. Well she did anyways i seem to have a problem with sleeping with other people next to me. But in the morning i made eggs and toast. We watched "top gear" which was totally rad because its my favorite show and she likes it as well. And then i took her home around 2ish. But anyways to sum it all up. Both of us had a wonderful time and she is worth the drive down there.

We have so much in common. She seems to be open minded and accepting of other people. Many shared hobbies and interests. She teaches yoga and belly dancing (i would like to see that one someday). Shes also going to school for a psych major. Shes taller then i am, long red hair, amazing legs, and the cutest nose i've even seen. I really hope were able to go out again.

I've been thinking about this transgender thing I've been talking about for the past 2 months. I now know that i don't fall under that role. I've decided that i am how i am and placing a false labe on myself in the hopes of it making my fell better isn't going to help me at all. I know i still have some things i need to work out with myself but i now know for certain that even thou i have a "female" side to my personalty that being female wont make is happier because i also have that "male" side as well. Perhaps its not about being male for female. I just need to find some kind of balance to it all, and at that point it wont be about being male or female. It will be about being myself.

I know know that i shouldn't be putting this in here and that i should take out everything about this topic from this blog. The reason i say this is because i'm worried what Christy would think about it. Would she be scared off by it? Would she think that i'm some sort of freak? Or would she be accepting of it and try to understand it and myself better? I don't know her extermaly well yet so i can't really say for sure. But if your reading this Christy, I would like to know what you think and how you feel about it.