cold play

I used to rule the world
Seas would rise when I gave the word
Now in the morning I sweep alone
Sweep the streets I used to own
I used to roll the dice
Feel the fear in my enemy's eyes
Listen as the crowd would sing:
"Now the old king is dead! Long live the king!"
One minute I held the key
Next the walls were closed on me
And I discovered that my castles stand
Upon pillars of sand, pillars of sand

I hear Jerusalem bells are ringing
Roman Cavalry choirs are singing
Be my mirror my sword and shield
My missionaries in a foreign field
For some reason I can not explain
Once you know there was never, never an honest word
That was when I ruled the world
(Ohhh)

It was the wicked and wild wind
Blew down the doors to let me in.
Shattered windows and the sound of drums
People could not believe what I'd become
Revolutionaries Wait
For my head on a silver plate
Just a puppet on a lonely string
Oh who would ever want to be king?

I hear Jerusalem bells are ringing
Roman Cavalry choirs are singing
Be my mirror my sword and shield
My missionaries in a foreign field
For some reason I can not explain
I know Saint Peter will call my name
Never an honest word
And that was when I ruled the world
(Ohhhhh Ohhh Ohhh)

Hear Jerusalem bells are ringings
Roman Cavalry choirs are singing
Be my mirror my sword and shield
My missionaries in a foreign field
For some reason I can not explain
I know Saint Peter will call my name
Never an honest word
But that was when I ruled the world
Oooooh Oooooh Oooooh"

another week come and gone.

As the title says, another week has come and gone. I Helped Sam (short for Samantha) move in and unpack. Its nice having a roommate now. Sam is a really nice person. She has a great personalty and vary cute although she doesn't think that about herself. I've told her about my transgender side... i haven't really explained it fully yet but so far she has been really understanding and accepting of me. I'm so releaved about that. I don't have to hind who i am around her and worry about what she would think about me.

I would have to say that shes the kind of girl I could see myself having a long-term relationship with. But i know that will never happen but I'm happy with calling her my friend.

"At the end of the day, living situations are not really about gender or sexuality, but about individuals."

In other news. I have a new car now. Bought myself a 01' Buick la saber. Its bigger then my old ford and it doesn't get as good as gas mileage but i'm happy with it.

Rethinking of my transgender self.

I've been thinking this whole being labeled as transgender thing. Sure i don't think of myself as what traditionally is labeled as a "man", and I even consider myself as transgender. But do i want to fall under that traditional role? What i mean is that do i want to undergo hormone replacement therapy and all the surgery's? I think that i wouldn't been any happier with whom i am after all that jazz. So that leaves that question, where do i go from here? I want to be able to express myself public, in my home, with friends and family and all without the worries of people retaliating against me for it. I want to be able to where what i want, if that means I'm waring a skirt or a dress what does it matter?

In the past 100 years there have been major revolutions in out society that have shaken the public views, women voting, black voting, women in the army/workplace just to name a few. What if the next revolution is that gender revolution a revolution that blends the lines that divide the genders.

this has been just a few random thoughts of mine... i still need to think more about where i want to go from here.

Cars, Roommates, and the Transgender Issue

Well State Farm is decided to claim my car as a total loss. They gave me a choice, give them the car and I'll get $5800 or I can keep the car but then I only get $3700. The $3700 would be the smarted choice but i always hated that car so i'm talking$5800. Not what that mean is that i'll need to get a new car ans has luck would have it i've allready found one. Its a 02' Pontiac Grand Prix. Its going to cost $9300 so that means i need a auto loan. to make a long story short i'm going to be making $150 car payments now.

Samantha visited the apartment yesterday. She really liked it and it looks like shes going to be moving in on the 14-15 of this month. I'm really excited but worried about it at the same time. I don't know if i've ever talked out my transgenderism in this blog. But I consider myself to me a transgender male. I fell like and have always felt like my body didn't quite match up with what i felt it should be. I've been crossdressing for a few years now... ever since i got my first job. I'm not on hormones or anything and i like my life as a male but it fells wrong, everyday thinking that i was ment to be born a girl. I would like to start some kind of hormone therapy or one of those all natural things to grew breasts but it just scares me. But back to the roommates thing. I'm worried about what she'll think if she ever finds out. I think she would be accepting of me because is was with the gay straight alliance back in high school, but i cant help thinking that she'll not be so accepting of me. Should I be upfront and honest about it? Should i just lay low with it and hope she wont find out? I suppose that if i'm more open about it then it would be one step closer to being able to be whom i want to be.